sigh...

I know this is what you want me to do, and it is good for everyone, but I just find myself resisting it... I want the control, I want to be able to control my life. I guess that's why your love is different from the love that my husband and I have. But it is similar with the love that my children and I have, and here I am, as your child. I am fighting you, I don't want you to control me, but I know I can't be totally independent from you. I still want you to be in my life, and I still love you.

How can I truly surrender? How can I totally giving myself up to you? I want your love, but I don't really love you with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength.

This is a test.